We have to fight for our dreams.
We have to fight for what has been said about us, said about our destiny, said about our purpose.
We all know what it feels like when something true has been spoken over us. When we have been involved in something that feels so true to ourselves. When we are a part of something we are supposed to be a part of. We know we belong in a process or in a movement. It just feels right. "If all were right in the world", this is what we would be doing", we say to ourselves.
The universe seems to be the antagonist sometimes. The bills seem to pile up, the boss seems to keep demanding more. The car falls apart just as we start to "get ahead". We keep treading just to keep our head above the water, though we've felt the freedom on the other side. We have felt what's right, yet this feels so wrong and we feel stuck in this.
Our dreams begin to turn illogical and foolish in our minds. "How could we really have aspired to be that, or make a living doing this?". "It must have been selfishness that made me really feel like this was possible, lets be real", we say to ourselves.
We begin to settle by believing the lie that we were designed to be no more than a functional human who can sustain themselves and survive in this world. A human who can pay the bills by working a job that can just pay the bills, meet a fellow human in this world who we can at least tolerate (but hopefully love) and then reproduce and just keep the cycle going by ingraining into our offspring's mind that this functional humanity is the responsible path, not to dream of lofty foolish dream that may arise.
The thing is, I can't do that.
The perspective I have gained from my mountain top moments I have had mean there is no going back. I would rather completely fail by doing exactly it is that I feel I need to do, then continue the status quo lifestyle that has been ingrained in me, inspired by fearful lies.
Some folks have had the advantage of knowing for years exactly what it is they want to do. They have the inspiration, and it pushes them to work incredibly hard and be faithful to that goal. They put in the hours upon hours, and work tirelessly to advance in their dreams.
I on the other hand, have only had glimpses of what I feel like my life can potentially look like. Perhaps I look at them as small tokens. Fragments of hope of what I think this life can look like. For me the journey has contained more examples of what I don't want life to look like, than having a clear picture of what I do want it to look like---and that is where I have to make my move.
Kathyrn and I have one life, and it is a short one. Kathryn knows there's more tangible dreams of hers than to watch someone else's kid. For me, I know there's more dreams than to maintain the maps of a city's water supply. We have the dream of exploring the far corners of the earth, and the faces of those who dwell on it. I want to see the face of God more and more by witnessing his power in the nations and his Creation. Don't get me wrong, if those are your dreams, I have no problem with that, at least you are doing your dreams. For us though, we know it isn't it.
I also want more space during the day to spend with my wife and with the Lord. I am interested in working for myself for a while, and having control over my own schedule. There is plenty to be learned by being a hard working employee, but I aspire to be my own boss.
I feel the waves of pressure approach during these times. I hear the voices telling me I'm foolish to quit my safe government job in two months time. All I can do is remember my mountain tops of the past, and to remember the aspects of life that have always made my heart beat. I want to be passionate about this one life I have dangit.
What dreams do you have? What is trying to be hushed by reality?
I think of Jonathan Scott, whom I saw from the Nat Geo show "Tales of Light". He had a passion to chase Lions his whole life. He has created some of the most incredible content that we have on Lions and other African animals. He explained in one of the episodes that from the beginning he knew that is what he wanted to do, to chase lions around.
At one point, this man had to leave his safety net in the UK, and make that move to Africa. You can't tell me that no one thought he was crazy. What I do know now, is that he is following his passion, and he wouldn't have had life any other way.
Let's do our dreams, and if we fail trying at least we know we went for it. I can live with that.